Expected due date April 5th 2005

Well I have now passed the date of my expected due date for Aidan. I have not been pregnant for four months now. I do not know how I feel about this anniversary, very sad that I am not still pregnant and about to give birth to a healthy baby boy. Numb. I feel I am keeping my feelings buried, bottled up. I have had four months of grief, of pain, of thinking of all the 'what if's'. Nobody has acknowledged to me that they remember that this was when I was due. The most frequent thought in my head of late is that I am a failure at the one thing that means something in life, giving birth to and nuturing another human being. It does not help that my fortieth birthday is behind me and I feel like I have run out of time.