Aidan's three month anniversary!

It is terrible how fearful I am about not grieving enough or too much.

Sunday was three months since I lost Aidan. I thought I was doing quite well but the bottom fell out of my emotional world when I argued with my man. To say I became irrational is downplaying the situation. I blew everything out of proportion, yelled, cried and threatened to leave (before Aidan's death, I enjoyed an argument, but I was never irrational nor did I say or yell things that I later regretted). I so wanted him to hug me and tell me everything would be alright. No surprise that he found that impossible to do with the way I was behaving.

I asked him to forgive me, he says he can not now and nor does he know when he will be able to.

I felt very alone in my grief before Sunday, now I have made myself feel even worse. The only person I can talk to is the Social Worker who I was assigned to when I first found out about the cystic hygroma. I so want Aidan's father to be the one to listen and support, he is not available to me in that way. I made an appointment with my Counselor last night I need to talk about how irrational I got on Sunday, but I also want someone to listen and help me grieve for Aidan.